America’s Most Smartest Model
Ac.Stet has never seen a reality TV show sink so low.
VH1’s “America’s Most Smartest Model” is one of those programmes that makes you wonder if the world is really coming to an end.
VH1 claims “America’s Most Smartest Model” is a search for the country’s brainiest model and to prove that these models are not just well-endowed glamzons.
But one suspects that the real premise of the reality TV show is another story, and also extremely simple: Make these fashion models look as stooopid as possible.
And these fashion model-want-to-be’s are all willing to sacrifice dignity for fame, and maybe an iota of an opportunity to prove to the viewing world that models are not stupid.
But really, Ac.Stet feels, this is a no-brainer. We expect politicians to be wise, we expect scientists to solve problems, we expect football players to score and we expect fashion models to pose prettily.
But do we expect politicians to pose prettily (ok, besides John Edwards)? Do we expect football players to debate policies on CNN?
So, what’s the point of getting fashion models to prove something they were never meant for?
Ac.Stet doesn’t care if fashion models are stupid, as long as they can produce a beautiful picture in a magazine, or bring out the essence of a dress on a catwalk.
But as aforementioned, VH1 has really sunk that low for that kinda cheap thrill of watching pretty people fall.
And it’s also guilty pleasure for us all who just want a hack of a laugh from a mindless TV show about mindless pretty faces. How can we not be enticed to be mindlessly entertained with easy-crap like this?
Ah, but what keeps people glued to the programme are impossibly beautiful faces like these:
Meet male model Slavco …
Slavco has many print work in his name and he was nearly chosen to appear in one of those iconic Abercrombie & Fitch ads, but was later told he was “too chiseled” and was dropped instead. Well, if we are that beautiful, we really wouldn’t mind being told that we are “too chiseled” for the job. Getting criticized like that, to borrow a phrase from The Merovingian in The Matrix, is like wiping your arse with silk.
But the show apparently has a huge soft spot for another mal model contestant: the bred-like-a-Greek-deity Brett:
The camera finds no problem with lingering longingly at his meticulously etched-out, laser-cut abs:
again (paired with another Prada model, Jeff “Pickle” Pickel) …
and again ….
and again …
and again ….
Take a look at these screen caps for the maiden episode that puts the models through a gruelling spelling bee.
The expression on their faces is hilarious, and if you must have maximum comedic effect, Ac.Stet suggests you watch the entire Spelling Bee segment with the sound off. This way, you can really see the full effect of placing the words “retardant” and “nincompoop” beneath the models’ faces. Remember, the producers are all out to make these poor souls look stupid.
Jeff Pickel steps up to the challenge with the word “Electrolysis”. With a beautiful face like that, why does he need to know about such scientific jargon?
The same goes for V J and Brett, two of the more gorgeous faces in the show. I mean, “Isaac Mizrahi”?! is VH1 training him to be a fashion journalist or a merchandiser? He’s a male model, for heaven’s sake!
Oh … Awwwww… Look at Brett, he’s ooh-cutsey-cutsey-cute-cute-ooh-oh so embarrassed!
But you gotta hand it up to them for the cheap laughs: Male model V J trying to spell “chiffon” … er, Shaffawn, anyone?
And sometimes, you get the feeling that the VH1 producers just want to get a chance to pin the words “retardant” and “nincompoop” on these pretty boys … Ac.Stet’s guess is, this is a case of the Revenge of the Nerds. These same VH1 producers must be ugly, fat, average-looking people out to seek vengeance on pretty people, who must seem to have it easier in a world that is naturally cruel to the physically ill-privileged.
But of course, host Mary Alice’s expressions at some of the misspells is classic:
Who knows, simply by making Abs-god Slavco Tuskaloski to leave the reality show at the start, VH1 may just have unwittingly made him America’s smartest model. Here’s another look at this impossibly beautiful creature … Which just begs the question: Why does anyone even care if he is smart or not?